Game Night
by wwwwwww
Summary: Many questions arise on Game Night with the Baten Kaitos party. Why is Lyude so angry? Why is Kalas so distrusting? All this and more revealed in a story that barely has a plot! Attepmted humor oneshot. Messup on Savyna's name changed. Dur!


I apologize beforehand. This story… has no plot whatsoever. But! That's not a bad thing, necessarily. You know when you've been playing a game for a really long time and you get that sort of high feeling? Yeah. I'm a girl with no life. Thus, I bring you this bizarre thing that crawled out of my mind today after pondering the irony of Baten Kaitos. Hmm. Enjoy.

EDIT: **Major** thanks to Rebbe for being the first to point out that I spelled 'Savyna' 'Sylvia' for some reason. Honestly, I never use her at all. I've fixed it now. I think I spelled it wrong in my review back, too. Geez!

--

Spread out on in the middle of the floor was a giant Sorry board game. The little game pieces had exploded all over the floor and down the edges of the couch, never to return. Monopoly money could be seen spread out all around the room, mixed in with the Sorry pieces. Game night at Kalas's was sheer and utter chaos.

"No, Kalas. You can't go there!" a blond girl sitting very ladylike on the floor exclaimed.

"Why not?" the blue-haired teen sitting across from her cried. "This is MY game! I'll go anywhere I want!"

The girl sighed, trying to keep herself sweet and innocent. "No, you _can't_. That's _my_ goal. See? Red piece, red goal. You're the _blue_ piece. Blue piece, blue goal. Okay?"

"Aw, clam it. I'll move the stupid piece." Kalas grabbed his blue triangle-like piece and put it back where it was before. "Man Xelha, you lecture like no one's business. You could make Dr. Phil sweat."

Xelha struggled with her inner will to smack Kalas upside the head. _Now, now._ She told herself. _Don't lose it. You'll ruin what little chance you already had of attracting him. Control yourself._ After talking herself down, Xelha just sighed inwardly and moved her piece.

Sitting dejected in a corner, Gibari was writing his latest work of literature: 'Body Building by Gibari'. He always said that if he helped just one pocket-protecting nerd become the man he always knew he could be, his life mission had been fulfilled. Of course, he earned many giggles from his party members, resulting in Kalas getting thrown out of a third story window and Lyude choking on his own trumpet.

"… _I suppose the South Beach diet wouldn't really work in this case…_" Gibari gnawed on the end of his pencil. "_Better erase that sentence…"_

The sound of Gibari's squeaky eraser filled the room.

_Squeaky squeaky squeaky…_

"Man Gibari, get a new freaking pencil," Kalas replied, slamming his blue piece on a space.

"Kalas, you can't go there. You ran out of spaces."

"GAH!"

Gibari replied without looking up from his tablet of paper. "This is my lucky writer's pencil. You have no eye for literature, Kalas."

"You don't have one for Sorry either." Xelha exclaimed, giggling. "I win!"

"No way!" Kalas shrieked, scanning the board carefully.

After her incessant giggling had ceased, Xelha began to ponder. "Hey, where's Lyude?"

"I haven't seem him since Kalas threw his Sorry piece in the fireplace. He was really upset after that." Gibari scribbled out some words on his notepad.

"Poor Lyude," Xelha shook her head as she began to put the board away and attempted to rescue the remaining pieces from Kalas. "He's so sensitive."

"Yeah, right."

Suddenly, the door opened and a figure walked in. Xelha had been putting the board away and looked over.

"Lyude!" she exclaimed. "Where've you been? You disappeared a while ago and never came back."

"Well," Lyude brushed off his uniform. "After Kalas threw my Sorry piece in the fireplace, I was quite traumatized."

-- **_Lyude's Flashback_** --

Kalas, Xelha, Lyude, and the Great Mizuti sat in a semi-circle around the Sorry board. They were rolling die to see who got to go first.

"Haha! Would you look at that!" Lyude cried after rolling a six. "I get to go first! Oh, rapturous day!"

"What?" Kalas cried. "Oh no, I don't think so! I could have _sworn_ I had the bigger number…"

Xelha grabbed the die. "Kalas, six is the biggest number."

"Then I demand a redo!" Kalas replied, standing up.

"Sit down, Kalas!" Mizuti spoke. "What ants be in your pants?"

Kalas grabbed Lyude's green Sorry piece. "There be no ants in my pants! Eat this, green Sorry piece!"

Everyone in the room watched in terror as Kalas chucked the poor little green piece into the fireplace. It melted quickly and became a lonely pile of green goo on the log. Lyude's eyes widened in fear.

"Kalas, how could you?" the red-haired man shouted, standing up. "The green piece had done nothing to you!"

"Lyude…" Xelha began.

"Oh, really?" Kalas retorted. "Now it's a green pile of goo _burning_ in the fires of hell! _AAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA_!"

Lyude stomped his foot. "I will not stand for this. This is absurd! You're a crazed man, Kalas. A crazed man! Someday you will grow up to be a demented, lonely lunatic living under the graham cracker bridges of Mira! And I will be a great musician playing for kings and important beings and whatnot! So screw you! Concerto!"

A large blast of swirling light appeared around Lyude. He aimed his instrument at Kalas and fired.

"Ah! My eye!" Kalas cried as he was hit in the eye with a peanut.

Lyude ran out the door.

-- **_End Lyude's Flashback_** --

"I'm so sorry about Kalas's behavior, Lyude," Xelha shook her head and crossed her arms. "I'm not sure what's gotten into him lately…"

"Kalas, no!" An estranged cry from Gibari interrupted their conversation. "You crazy kid, what do you think you're doing! Give it back right now!"

"And if I refuse?"

"Then I'll have to get it back by force!"

Kalas dodged Gibari's rabid swings at him while playing keep-away with Gibari's lucky pencil. "Try it, old man!"

Gibari made a few crazed swings at Kalas, missing nearly every time. It was then that Kalas had an idea. He whipped out a special Magnus card that was near and dear to his heart: Essence of Fire.

"Ha! Not so tough now, are ya?" Kalas replied as he held the card near the pencil.

"You ARE insane!" Gibari shouted, clenching his fists. "I told you Xelha, we should have never taken him back that one time!"

Xelha ran over to Kalas and put a hand on his shoulder. "Crazy time's over now, Kalas. Give the nice pencil back."

"He'll have to take it from me fir—HEY!" Kalas screamed as the pencil was snatched out of his hand.

"Ahahaha!" the culprit flew around the room. "The Great Mizuti be good for tricking foolish beings like Kalas! He not be well in the head!"

"You little snot-bucket," Kalas muttered. "Give that back to me!"

"But it not be yours!" Mizuti replied, flying over to Gibari. "Here be your writing utensil, Gibari. The Great Mizuti has won again!"

"Thank you very much, Mizuti." Gibari took the pencil. "Hahah. Eat lead, Kalas."

Gibari took the broken piece of lead at the end of the pencil and flicked it at Kalas.

"Ah! My other eye!" Kalas shrieked. "You're gonna pay for that, Gibari!"

Kalas reached into his shoe and pulled out his most treasured card: Kalas Pimp-Slap. He ran up to Gibari and smacked him across the face.

Gibari blocked it with his notepad. "Harder!"

Kalas slapped him again.

"Harder!"

Kalas slapped him again.

"Harder!"

"Shut up!" Kalas cried, slicing Gibari's notepad in half.

"AHH!" the tall, muscled man replied. "My book! I spent months on that! Many days of work right down the crapper. And it's all your fault, Kalas!"

Gibari ran up to Kalas and attempted to hit him with one half of the notepad.

Kalas blocked it with Lyude. "Is that all you've got?"

Gibari hit him again.

"Is that all you've got?"

Gibari hit him again.

"Is that all you've got?"

"STOP!" Lyude shouted. He pushed Kalas over, grabbed Gibari's torn notepad, and threw it out the window.

"Lyude! Why did you do that?" screamed Gibari.

"I'm tired of having you guys as my party!" Lyude ranted. "You yell at me, order me around, you NEVER trusted me…"

"Um, Kalas doesn't trust anyone." Xelha spoke up.

"Bull!" shouted Kalas, dodging an angry Lyude.

"He's right, Kalas." Gibari replied. "You don't even trust your own shoe."

"Oh, stuff it!" Kalas pushed Lyude away. "You're just jealous of my sexy metal wing."

Gibari scoffed. "Yeah, that's it. I'm jealous of a guy with one wing. If you tried to fly, you'd just go in circles."

"Gibari!" peace-loving queen Xelha flicked Gibari in the ear. "Everyone, stop!"

Kalas stopped murdering Lyude, who was biting Kalas's ankle and beating him in the head with a flute. Gibari rubbed his ear in pain as he mentally mourned the loss of his precious notepad. Mizuti sat on the couch and filmed the entire thing with a video camera. Savyna wasn't there because everyone had laughed at her for being the weakest character in the party and was now drowning her sorrows at the local bar.

"You guys need to calm down!" Xelha exclaimed. "You've been at each other's throats for days now! And you, Kalas– Lyude, put the flute down –What's gotten into you lately? You're being more… what's the word…"

"Pigheaded?" Gibari chimed in.

"Idiotic?" Lyude added.

"… Than usual." Xelha finished.

Kalas sat on the couch next to Mizuti, who immediately turned the camera to his face. "I dunno. Puberty?"

Xelha shook her head and left the room for some Advil. Gibari snatched Lyude's flute and hit him with it. Mizuti was happy she was getting good footage. Kalas began to whistle a random tune he had just come up with on the spot.

_**At the Holy Bar of Malpercio…**_

"So hon, what's your story?"

Savyna belched and swirled her beer a bit. "Well, I'm traveling with these people, right? They're all beating up guys and leveling up and such. But I'm like, 'Hey, c'mon, let's just run past them and go,' right? And they're all '_Nooooo_, we can't do that, we've gotta get stronger so we can save the _woooorld_,' and stuff. And there's this evil god, right? Dude's name… _Malpercio_. … Hey, that's the name of the bar…"

The bartender leaned closer as he cleaned a glass with a cloth. "I… think you've had a bit too much of the bottle, hon. How about I just take this and…"

"NO!" Savyna shouted and hugged her beer close. "My beer."

The bartender shrugged. _Oh well. She _is _pretty hot. All dressed in black and leather… Far be it from me to take away her precious elixir._

"So anyway, I—"

_**Back with the rest of the party…**_

"KALAS! NO! PUT THE TUBA DOWN!"

"My baby…!"

"Shut up, Lyude! Or it's going out the window with Gibari's paper!"

"Kalas! You must be respecting other members of the party!"

"Quit filming me, Mizuti! I don't trust cameras!"

"See? You don't trust anything, Kalas!" Xelha ran over to Kalas and stood in front of him. "Why, Kalas? Why is there so much distrust in your soul?"

Kalas sighed. He threw the tuba at Lyude, which emitted a loud 'honk' as it knocked him unconscious. He walked over to a random chair in the corner of the room and glared at everyone else. "What?"

"Man, what's your problem?" Gibari asked. "Is there _anybody_ you trust?"

"Of course there is!" Kalas replied. "It's just not you."

"But _why_? … Oh, sorry, Lyude." Xelha accidentally stepped on a comatose Lyude on the floor.

"Hm…" Kalas thought to himself.

-- **_Kalas's Flashback_** --

Everything was bright and cheery in the land of Mira. Frosting and sugar engulfed everything in sight. Gingerbread houses were spread out everywhere. Cotton candy clouds floated happily in the sky overlooking the cookie pathways.

Little five-year-old Kalas ran along the pathways, running into everyone in sight and giggling uncontrollably. He wasn't supposed to have sugar. His grandpa told him it would make him nuts. But unfortunately, he lived in Mira so he had no choice. He ate it every chance he got, therefore giving him the appearance of being very ADHD.

Kalas zoomed into one of the many bakeries and began jumping around, knocking off many random items. A small girl with stark white hair looked into the direction of the crashes and ran over to Kalas. "Kalas! Stop! You're making everything fall!"

"What?" Kalas shouted, still jumping. "Oh! Hi Melodia! Look at me!"

The little girl, Melodia, crossed her arms. "You're being really bad, Kalas! I'm a good girl! I don't act like _you_."

"Aw, shuddap." Kalas replied, jumping on a table and throwing napkins everywhere. "You're just a goody-goody bakery girl. You don't have _any_ fun!"

"I do too!" Melodia cried. "I have more fun than _you_ do!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Then _prove_ it!" Kalas cried, drawing a smiley face on a napkin and dropping it on her head.

"Fine! I will!" Melodia disappeared into the back for a few minutes.

Kalas continued to jump on random objects. Melodia returned, holding a medium-sized pot, just small enough for her to carry. She glared at Kalas, reached into the pot, took out her hand, and threw the substance at him.

"AHHHHHH!" screamed Kalas, falling off the table. He flung his arms and legs every which way and rolled on the ground. "GET IT OFF!"

"It's just frosting, you dummy!" Melodia cried, preparing for another launch.

The blue-haired boy froze. "Really?"

He began licking it off his face. Melodia cried, "No, don't eat it, Kalas! You're not supposed to have sugar!"

"Then you shouldn't have thrown it at me!" Kalas replied, re-igniting his ungodly sugar high. "Haha! Now you're gonna get it."

Kalas dove after Melodia, who shrieked like a frightened parrot. But Kalas being the bigger of the two sealed her fate. He ran passed her and snatched the pot of frosting right out of her hands. The tables had turned.

"Kalas! Give it back! Gimme it!" Melodia whined, making a few attempted grabs. "That's not fair!"

"Bleh!" Kalas stuck his tongue out at Melodia. He ran to the counter and jumped on top of it, still holding the frosting close. "It's MY frosting now!"

And with that, Kalas grabbed a handful of frosting, aimed, and fired.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Melodia emitted a huge shriek. But it wasn't out of sadness; it was out of rage.

Kalas's eyes grew wide as Melodia grabbed the frosting off her face with a huff and held it in her hand. Her eyes were bright red and she gritted her teeth. She squeezed the frosting in her hand as she glared at Kalas like a starved hyena.

Kalas was frozen with fear. "Oh. My."

"RAAAAAAAAWR!" cried Melodia as she reared her hand back and chucked the frosting in Kalas's direction.

The frosting hit Kalas square in the face. He didn't have time to whine about it, however. For now there was an angry woman on his case. And the woman was that frightening Melodia kid.

He jumped off the table and ran to the door. After fiddling with the knob, he slammed the door open. Melodia was breathing heavily and following close behind him, her puffy white dress flowing behind her. "YOU CAN'T ESCAPE KALAS! YOU CAN'T RUN FROM ME!"

Kalas let out a huge whimper and zoomed out the door. He took off down the streets without looking back. The people of Mira were stunned to see a small blue-haired boy covered in vanilla frosting running mad through the streets. Some stopped and stared, other's eyes were covered by their parents.

Eventually, Kalas made it to a corner and turned. He stopped his frantic monkey running and slumped against the wall. Breathing heavily, he turned to see if Demon Melodia had followed. Much to his surprise (and relief), she was nowhere to be seen. He collapsed on the ground.

"… _Kalas…? Kalas, is that you?"_

"_I hear it,_" Kalas replied softly. "_I hear ya, grampa. I'm comin' to join ya…_"

"_What the heck? Did you hit your head, Kalas? Wake up, now."_

Kalas's eyes fluttered open as he looked up. "Grampa…?"

"I ain't dead yet, Kalas. Get up." Georg replied as he grabbed his grandson by the back of his pants and held him in the air. "What in the world are you covered in?"

"Mmm mm." Was all Kalas muttered.

Georg snatched some frosting off of Kalas and tasted it. "Frosting…! Sugar! Kalas! You know you're not supposed to have sugar!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Kalas replied. "But it wasn't my fault!"

"Oh? Then whose fault was it?"

"Melodia's."

Georg set Kalas down. "'Melodia'? How dare you blame that child for your own mistakes! She's such a sweet, kind little girl. You could learn something from her!"

"Oh yeah?" Kalas crossed his arms. "Ten bucks says she goes corrupt someday."

"Now Kalas, that will never happen." Georg scolded.

"You haven't played the game, apparently."

"Hush. Don't talk." Ol' Georg replied. "Let's get home."

Kalas began to run ahead of his grampa down the path. He was suddenly a very happy frosting-covered child as he hummed to himself. Then something ended his happiness.

"MEEHEEHEEHEE!"

"Whoa! Grampa, what was that?" Kalas cried after hearing the noise.

Georg could care less. "I don't know, son. Just ignore it."

Kalas continued to walk down the path.

"MEEHEEHEEHEE!"

"AAH! See? There it was again!" Kalas cried. "There's something in the bushes, Grampa!"

"No there's not." Georg wanted to get home. He needed his special brew. "Trust me."

"… Trust?" Kalas repeated. "What is this 'trust'?"

"When someone tells you something and they mean it, and you believe them." Georg didn't go into great detail. There was a Jack Daniels calling his name.

"Oh. Okay." Kalas's fragile, naïve, five-year-old brain implanted the word 'trust'. "I gotcha."

"MEEHEEHEEHEE!"

"GAAH! Grampa! There IS something there! It's not just me! … Grampa?" Kalas looked around frantically. His grandpa was nowhere to be seen. "Grampa? Where are you?"

"_Come to us, Kalas. Listen to our words."_

"W-What? Who… Who are you? What words?"

"_Listen to the sound of our voices. Listen to our joyous laughter. MEEHEEHEEHEE!"_

"What…"

Kalas turned to the direction of the laughing. He followed the sound off the path and into the bushes. Once he reached the shrubbery, he stuck his face close to it. "I don't see any—"

"BOO!"

"AAAAAH!"

Kalas shrieked and fell backwards. Melodia wasn't this scary. Drunken Georg was never this scary. No. This was a whole new level of freakishness. This was…

"A LAUGHING COOKIE! OH DEAR LORD!"

"MEEHEEHEEHEE!" a gigantic cookie with a face appeared on the bushes. A few more popped out beside it. "Nice to see you, little Kalas!"

"What _are_ you…?"

"We are the Laughing Cookies of Mira that live in the bushes! And we've been watching you, Kalas. Always."

"You… Watching me?"

"Yes. Watching you." The middle cookie did all the talking. "Ever since you were two and fell on us when that devil child Melodia smacked you with an Easy Bake Oven. You think we don't see these things?"

"I… I had no idea… But grampa said…! He said there was nothing here!"

The cookies hung their heads sadly. "He lied to you, child. His words held no truth."

Kalas's eyes grew wide as his mouth hung open. His grandpa _lied_? Georg always told him lying was wrong. He also said there were no demon cookies in the bushes. He taught him about trust. But he lied… more than once! Kalas was going through sheer trauma. "But… What about trust?"

"What about it?" the cookie asked.

"Grampa said… He said to trust him. But—"

"Here's a lesson for ya, kid," the cookie answered. "Never trust anyone. They'll only bring ya down."

"Never trust… anyone?" Kalas asked innocently. "I can't believe grampa did this to me! It's not fair!"

"Life's not fair." The cookies replied all at once. "Get over it!"

With angry tears in his eyes, little Kalas stood before the cookies a changed man.

_**-- End Kalas's Flashback --**_

"So… what you're telling us is, there were some evil cookies in Mira that spoke to you and told you not to trust anyone?" Gibari summed it up in one sentence.

"In a nutshell… Yes." Kalas replied.

Xelha scratched her head. "Um, Kalas? Are you entirely sure that that happened?"

"Of course! Why would I lie about something as serious as evil cookies?" Kalas asked.

"Honestly, I don't know." Xelha replied.

"The Great Mizuti thinks that that story be explaining a lot of Kalas's behavior!" Mizuti shouted. "The Great Mizuti is grateful that Kalas has shared his tragic story with everyone."

Gibari poked his ear with his pencil. "Yeah, now I have a foundation for a children's fantasy novel."

Suddenly, the door slammed open.

"Hi, guuuuysh. What'cha been doin' while I's— hic! —been gone, eh?"

Xelha gasped. "Savyna! I've never seen you like this before! What happened?"

"She's in a drunken stupor!" Lyude cried, catching Savyna as she fell backwards. "We must get her to bed immediately!"

"Wh… Wh… Hey! I was telling a story here!" Kalas cried. "You're leaving me for some drunken party member? Xelha?"

"Sorry, Kalas," Xelha replied. "I don't want to be here when Savyna starts wanting to do karaoke."

"But…! But…!" Kalas stuttered. "Meh, crap."

There was a full two seconds of silence.

"The Great Mizuti will stay by your side forever, Kalas!" Mizuti smacked Kalas firmly in the back, making him cough and fall over. "Oh, dear. Does the Great Mizuti not know the Great Mizuti's own strength?"

After a few minutes of trying to revive Kalas, Mizuti gave up and went into town for some Burger King.

Savyna wouldn't calm down for anything, so she was bound and gagged to a chair and forced to watch an eight-hour marathon of _Mrs. Doubtfire._ This was Lyude's idea. Xelha wanted nothing to do with the entire predicament.

Meanwhile, Gibari was busy working on his latest story. It was a story of bravery and survival, and a strong party that had gone right down the tubes. It was a work of literature that spread through many publicists' offices, but never quite made it to print, for it wasn't all that good anyway.

And this is his story. You have just finished reading it.

_Le fin_


End file.
